An Introduction to American Politics, Part Two

Now I shall unleash my opinions regarding the other major candidates from both parties, and will start with the Republicans.

Mike Huckabee: This guy is as big a theocrat as you can get without becoming an Ayatollah of some type. If he wins the Presidency, that old Sunday-school song 'Onward Christian Soldiers' will become a terrifying reality. Homosexuality will become punishable by death, and anybody who does not convert to evangelical Christianity will find themselves in some type of Inquisition-esque torture chamber. Of course, I'm exaggerating; he's a friendly, funny guy who happens to be an absolute Jesus-freak. Read the Establishment Clause, chief. No way would I vote for him.

Mitt Romney: If I were directing a movie that involved the President of the United States, I would look for somebody who looked and sounded EXACTLY like Romney. In no way does that mean that he would actually BE a good President. He's entirely too neocon-ish for my taste, and everything about him screams 'staged'. He takes a lot of shit for his religion though, which pisses me off; why should that matter? At least he's not pushy about it like Huckabee.

Rudy Giuliani: Other than that annoying New York accent, I like the guy; he's a relatively common-sense moderate who did a damned good job with a huge fucking city that was an absolute hole when he took over. Yes, everybody knows he did a good job after September 11th, but his most impressive accomplishments were long before that day. Chances are that I will support this guy if Ron Paul drops out.

John McCain: This guy has bigger balls than any of his competitors on either side of the aisle. He spent five and a half years enduring all sorts of torturous bullshit in the Hanoi Hilton after putting foot to all sorts of ass in the cockpit of an F-4. I respect this guy more than just about anybody, and he definately knows what he's talking about, but as petty as this sounds, he's 72. I think that's too old for him to assume the office of President. That being said, if he's the one to come out of the fray with the nomination, I'm behind him all the way.

Fred Thompson: I liked Law and Order, and I liked Die Hard II, but the man looks like a basset hound. Enough said.

Ron Paul: He's the candidate for people who hate politicians and love the Constitution, rather than just paying it lip service. See my previous post, and just Google him if you're curious. This guy is the man, so vote for him.